and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
