"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
