it's too hot outside to masturbate.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
