So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
