I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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