I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
