What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
