My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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