My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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