barbara walters just said penis...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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