i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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