maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
