Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
