Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize