I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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