She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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