I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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