Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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