Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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