I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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