Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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