your parents love me but you hate me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
