i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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