omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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