I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
