So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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