Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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