The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
