that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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