I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
