I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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