Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
