AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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