I intend to get homeless drunk
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think people are normalizing furries
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize