i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize