where does the pee come out of this thing
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
