I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
