My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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