I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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