two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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