Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize