I'm so fucking centered right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
