My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
