Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
