last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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