I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
