if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
