Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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