Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
