Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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