Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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