if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
do nipples grow back?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
