I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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