She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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