Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my liver is dry heaving
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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