the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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