I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
