Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
