I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
