Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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