she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
