He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
