y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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