I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
