I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my phone needs a breathalizer
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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