I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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