I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
