It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
