Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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