why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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