I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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