you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
