I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
