Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
