I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
