You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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