I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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